Friday, 21 October 2016

ASK A SUPER VILLAIN - Incompetent Henchmen

Even Super Villains need advice.  Ask an expert, Ask a Super Villain...

As a Super Villain of some renown I know everything there is about being a super villain, and I’m here to help you with advice...

...unfortunately, I can't help with this question.  Sure, every organisation has moles but I've always had mine executed by laser quickly and easily before whatever they did caused any issues so I really can't help you with a problem this entrenched.  However, I've asked my personal assistant to send this question to the expert I get to do all my laser mole removal done.

I, Dr Ulysses Grey, MD, am happy to have been Just A. Citizen's dermatologist for the last 20 years and in that time I have used many different techniques to remove moles.  In my experience ,the modern laser mole removal technique is the best and doesn't require a shot of anaesthetic.  No shot, Sherlock.

Laser Mole Removal is quick and effect and leaves a scar that I can use to convince the patient to buy expensive scar removal creams for years to come.  When Mr Citizen first came to my office I realised immediately how horrible his life must be with moles marring his face, disfiguring him and leaving him with a horrendous visage that caused even me, an expert in the field of facial reconstruction surgery to feel nauseated.  When it turned out that Mr Citizen wasn't here about his face, that he had no facial moles and he felt quite happy with his "face," we turned to his real issue, the complex pattern of moles that covered his back and looked surprising like the royal coat of arms of the island nation of Saint Gotthamunny Ayeau, a beautiful paradise in the South Pacific awaiting the arrival of the person prophesied to rule their wonderful country.  Now I'm proud to say as long as his face is covered, he looks OK with his shirt off.  That's right: no shirt, Sherlock.

So, yes, I use and recommend laser mole removal for all of your issues with moles. Trust me.  I know shit, Sherlock.

I'd like to thank Dr Grey for his contribution and to apologise to you, Sherlock, for the delayed response.  You see, I always try to get answers for these returned and published within a week of getting them and, in fact, I got this reply back within two days.  Unfortunately, you'd already squandered your time in the spotlight and I, like everybody else, forgot you existed.  Your chance to sit at the grown-ups table was gone and you were a nobody again.  So, my big piece of advice for other potential supervillains out there: when your chance comes, grab it with both hands and don't be a whiney piece of Gnome poo about it.

~ Dooms Unending Guardian.
(Thanks to Mopshell)

The above is carried out by professional Super Villains.  Do not try it at home.

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